i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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