It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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