oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
