I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
