What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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