I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
