Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize