mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
