Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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