Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
