Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
