I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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