she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
