She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
