She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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