i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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