He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
