mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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