I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
