Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
