Don't make out with my wife yet
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
