Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A bitchslap is in order.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
