Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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