Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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