You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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