it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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