Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
