I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize