Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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