i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize