I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
