i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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