Your tits are I can't wait for
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
