he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
