If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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