once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
