when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
