Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
