she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
