Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
