So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
