I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
