my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
