I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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