I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
