I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
