She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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