I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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