I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
