i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
