I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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