using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
