I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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