I think i peed on brittanys purse
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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