Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
