I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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