Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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