hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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