Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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