eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Farmville is her only friend.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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