i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize