This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
