Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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