About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
