I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
