:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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