UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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