alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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