Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
