I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
